Marriage Equality

Wow! This is actually a no brainer! Gays and Lesbians are treated like second class citizens, because they love differently.  We even pay higher taxes than married, hetorsexual couples. I don’t know if I will ever have the priviledge of getting married to the love of my life, my partner of fifteen years. We have a civil union, but it isn’t marriage.

I’ve always said, “Gay marriage is all about the mighty dollar.” If my partner were to pass away, I would not be entitled to her social security or retirement benefits from our employer. Now, why would the government want to pass up on all that money?

Hopefully, one day, Toni and I will actually get to get married. I am just happy a sitting President thinks that I am a first class citizen. What a historical moment.


10 thoughts on “Marriage Equality

  1. Before I comment my stance, because for the the most part I am probably uninformed, can you state what you believe the differences are between civil union and marriage?

    Here are mine:
    In theory, I’ve always thought one was via government and one was via church. They are not mutually exclusive, but they are a one way “hierarchy” perhaps? In my head I’d imagined that a civil union was a ceremony performed by a government official but no religious inclusions and that it legalized a bond between two people. And a marriage was performed by clergy so it did the same and then added a religious element about God in the proceedings hence the words “by the powers vested in me by God and the state of Michigan, I now pronounce….”)

    In reality, I’ve been to a ton of weddings, however, a civil union … well gosh – I’ve never been to one and only know one person who has one. (Give me your best Snarkster “cheese” while I take your picture for my new “wall of civil-unionized people.”)

    It seems my idea of the definition of a civil union is not accurate if you still don’t get benefits. Things like Social Security benefits should come from the government regardless of what involvement a church has. For some reason (again, likely because I’m uniformed), I thought the category of “civil union” afforded a couple the same legal rights as the term “marriage.”

    And I’ve just realize that I’m equating marriage with church and civil union with government. Perhaps in my world view, I’m starting from a whole different foundation.

    So. I think until we make sure that we have the same definitions for the terms in question, once again this Republican keeps quiet for fear of being seen a a hater of polar bears and the like.

    • And I see I did something wrong with my italics tag so the whole thing is slanted to the right…. irony? Ah! My kingdom for an “edit” or a “preview” button.

    • The one big key a civil union provides couples is the security we can see each other in the hospital. There have been stories of families who were against the relationship not allowing their loved one visit them on their death bed. This was always my biggest fear. I were to get hit with a mac truck and not able to speak for myself – I felt my mother would deny Toni the opportunity to see me. My mother has slowly come around to my relationship – I think after year ten she started to realize that I wasn’t leaving Toni and coming back home. But, this removes this fear and obstacle. We can file together in Delaware, but that is about it.

      Marriage – is federal. The federal government doesn’t recognize our relationship. One can claim the mortgage or be head of household, etc. We have no legal rights, blah, blah, blah.

      Oh, and this girl doesn’t think of you as any kind of hater 🙂

      • Thanks, G.

        Although, it’s the blah blah blah that still leaves a hole in my information envelope.

        OH, Holy Cow! I just realized you are talking about Federal TAXES. I thought you meant FILE as in file for a civil union and I was very confused. This created major edits.

        (*snip* *Snip* carry the 1…vergulbuggle and pin this here….)


        So, you can’t file taxes under a married status. If the Feds suddenly printed it like this:
        head of household
        married/civil union filing joint
        married/civil union filing separate
        …would that be an agreeable fix to the tax issues?

        As Laura mentioned below there are all kinds of legal ways to make sure things are in order, so I’m still unclear on what things are in your “blah blah” (aside from SSI and tax filing status) that you can not get by some other means.

  2. i think your equating marriage with religious authority and civil union with state authority is probably pretty accurate. my position is roughly this (she says while still in pj’s and not really awake yet):

    marriage is traditionally (in all religious traditions i’m aware of, anyway) reserved for women and men. the state — any state — can’t legislate what the tradition holds to be orthodox. however, the state can unite anyone it wants to for what ever benefit it deems worth the action. here’s where being conservative takes an interesting (to me) turn: i prefer to conserve current definitions rather than try to do a whole-scale redefinition of marriage. there are ways partners can get make financial arrangements that benefit each other without being married (though i agree it’s probably not as easy) and without enacting legislation to mandate it. in the case of life/death situations the one obvious way is through power-of-attorney or conservatorship. and you can adjust insurance policies to make your partner your direct beneficiary.

    i do realize that that’s not nearly as emotionally satisfying, and there probably are loopholes or exceptions that i’m not aware of. personally, i’m ok with civil unions being permitted by the state; i’m not ok with churches performing same-sex marriages. even if they are functionally equivalent in terms of benefits and legal protection, they’re not the same in terms of history and tradition (both cultural and religious) and, in the case of orthodox christianity, scripture. personally speaking, i’d feel comfortable attending a civil union ceremony, but i’d have a hard time attending a gay wedding. that’s not to say that i wouldn’t attend or that i wouldn’t be committed to the friendship — it’s that it would “feel” weird to me in a way that being at a civil ceremony wouldn’t.

    having said all that, i admit that the issues and emotions are complex and that my speculation is pretty abstract. i don’t know what i’d do in a given situation. but i hope i’d continue to honestly and deeply engage with the other folks involved, and to remain committed to the relationships. more conversation is almost always better than less.

    • And, it’s okay. Don’t worry about ever feeling like you had to word something to avoid hurting my feelings. Well if you called me a stupid head or something immature like that – I might be slightly emotional. It’s okay if you don’t agree with it or even accept it. You treat me like a human being and a friend. Honestly, the only people that pretty much told me they didn’t like me, because I was gay is my sister. It took her longer than my mother to come around. She is honestly the only person I fear to be around. I do get a little emotional feeling like she only sees a homosexual and not a person let alone a sister.

      But, God has put so many wonderful people in my life who accepts me for who I am that I don’t ever feel icky in my skin. I love me and I am okay with myself. I know it is hard for my sister to accept me – I just pray she will come around.

      Now, the gays treat wedding and civil union as the same so expect a civil union to be a big gay wedding.

      • i’m sorry your relationship with your sister has been difficult. that must be really hard. and did you have a big party after your union ceremony?

    • I feel words rattling around in my brain, but in the end I’m too foggy and all that’s coming out is, “what she said. that sums it up for me too.”

      And for the comments below:
      Also sorry about your sister. One of the hardest things is to separate your feelings for a loved one from your feelings about their choices. It’s always a difficult area when you want to show someone love, but not be mistaken for supporting a choice. And in the end, it usually comes off looking like hate, or like holier-than-thou attitude, or deafening silence. When that happens in a family it’s so much worse.

      I see a time in the next few months where I may be in a similar position. It already stresses me out and I already know I’m not rejecting the *person.* I just can’t have my kids in certain situations and I don’t know how to make sure this person will understand where I’m coming from without feeling like I’m condemning. And this is so off the original topic.

      Is it tired in here, or is it just me?

      • no; it’s tired in here, too. i think your comment about supporting people vs. choices is very much on point. i’d say something else supportive but my brain seems to be on break right now.

  3. Wow! I am so sorry your brains got tired. It may have been a little too much for my conservative friends. 🙂 My sister, Marjorie knows I love her and miss her – when she is ready for me to be in her life then it will happen.

    Oh, and no – we didn’t have a big celebration after our civil union. Toni and I don’t actually hang out with gay people so I didn’t want my friends to be uncomfortable with our union.

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